A Mother’s Letter – #7

By Deborah Cross Werner

Dear Jamie,

It’s been three years and I am still trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. You are so missed and I try so hard not to forget one thing about you. As Carly Pearce sings,

“Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Of every little thing

Guess you forgot what you told me
Because you left my heart on the floor”

So year three, my go-to book – “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” – by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, says we all should be regaining our equilibrium. There may be longer periods of relief, longer periods between emotional ambushes – but I still cry alone in my room when I hear a sad song and when I think about how long it may be until I see you again.

I have learned to live without you physically, but emotionally it is so hard. When I dream about you I don’t want to wake up because then I have to realize all over again you are no longer with us.  I look at pictures of your sweet face and think what could’ve/should’ve been. I think of all the potential you had. I feel sorry for those who never knew you.

So year 3, your memorial still stands in your room and in the kitchen, and your picture is everywhere. On your death date February 9, we will once again walk to your bench and celebrate your life. We will go on and remember that life should be lived to its fullest, much like you did in your 27 years. As I was writing this letter your kindergarten friend Alex passed away – we are devastated – again. Already I see you two walking your dogs by a creek somewhere over the rainbow bridge.

They say time is the only healer – I am still waiting.

I love you Jamie Werner.

Love, Mom